The Sorts Of Dumb Things I Think About: Superman And Grooming

Something occurred to me while I was clipping my fingernails. How does Superman clip his fingernails? Stay with me on this. Superman and all the parts of his body are indestructible except when exposed to Kryptonite or magic. Years ago, back in the MAN OF STEEL reboot miniseries, writer/artist John Byrne came up with a neat explanation of how Superman shaves. He uses a reflective piece of the spaceship that brought him here and burns the whiskers off of his face with his heat vision. I assume this is also how he cuts his hair. (Which sounds like an incredible feat to me. Hell, I shave my head with a pair of clippers, something that takes zero skill and I occasionally miss a spot and have to go back and fix it. So how he can use laser beams and mirrors and not wind up with bald patches is beyond me. I guess that's why he's Superman and we're not. Plus being fictional helps.) Maybe he uses his heat vision to clip his nails. Otherwise there's a bunch of indestructible nail shards in a landfill in Metropolis.

The movie HANCOCK did a riff on the Superman shaving bit. They had Hancock scrape the hair off his face with his fingernails to shave. That seems awfully painful to me.

Don't get me started on wondering what happens to the stuff Superman flushes down the toilet. Or where he got a toilet strong enough to handle the cargo he's dropping into it.